LAZY-ASS FOLLICLES

I'm really down today. Because my follicles are too small. I actually went and sat in my boss' office and told her I was upset because my follicles are too small. She doesn't have kids and has never tried to have kids, as far as I know. Her response was, "What's a follicle?"

I SO wish I didn't know what a follicle was. But not only do I know what it is, but I'm also upset because at this point in my cycle (day 12), one follicle should be at least 15 or 16mm, and it's only 9.5mm. What is my body doing? While other women's bodies are busy producing hormones and getting ready to ovulate in a couple days, mine is just lazily lolling about. "Maybe I'll ovulate on day 21 again, like I did last month," it thinks. "What's the rush? Who minds having a 35-day cycle?"

Well, body, I DO. A normal cycle is 28 days, not 35. You cause all kinds of problems when you wait around and don't do what you're supposed to do. For one, when you finally get around to ovulating, it's now considered a weak ovulation. That's no good. Also, you screw up the timing of everything. Philip and I have to travel frequently because of our jobs, and we try to plan our trips so that they won't interfere with treatment cycles. When you're a week behind schedule, that throws a major wrench in the works. And besides all the technical stuff, do you understand that it drives me BANANAS to have to wait even longer to move this glacier of a process forward? Every month, my two-week wait feels like an eternity, and you're just dragging things out even more.

This treatment cycle, which we were hoping would be our first IUI, is now threatened. Best-case scenario, I'll have to go back for yet ANOTHER $275 ultrasound to hopefully confirm you've gotten your act together. Worst-case scenario, the cycle will be canceled all together, and we'll have wasted the $425 we've already spent on pelvic scans. Do you know how much I enjoy flushing $425 down the toilet? I DO NOT ENJOY THAT AT ALL.

I've about had it up to here with my seemingly healthy but clearly defective body. I thought we were done with these erratic cycles. Maybe I will punish my busted anatomy by having a fourth piece of chocolate before 11:30 a.m.