THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

THE GOOD: Habana Grill

If you are a central Floridian, I highly recommend this restaurant! Philip and I have been here several times, and it is top-notch - great Cuban food, authentic atmosphere, yummy sangria and mojitos, good service and even live music several nights a week! We went last night on a little date and once again, had a fabulous time. We are trying to go out to eat only 1-2 times a week, which saves money, is healthier, and makes the experience more special. It seems that when we eat out like this lately, the conversation goes places it just doesn't seem to go when we eat at home. It's positive to get out of our usual space, away from the stacks of to-dos, and focus on one another. The restaurant was pretty empty last night, which is a bummer. I don't want to see it close down! So show your support for a locally owned restaurant and head over to Habana Grill the next time you're trying to pick a restaurant.

THE BAD: Pollock (Warning - spoilers ahead)

Philip and I watched this film the other night, and while it was interesting to learn about the life of this "influential American painter and a major force in the abstract expressionist movement" (thanks, Wikipedia), I didn't enjoy this movie for several reasons. The main reason was the ending. Unbeknownst to me, Jackson Pollock, an alcoholic, died at the age of 44 in a drunk-driving car crash with his girlfriend and her friend, killing the friend also.

To understand why this ending was so extra deflating, here's a little background. The entire film chronicles Pollock's relationship with his wife, Lee Krasner, strongly highlighting the role she played in caring for him, encouraging him, building his confidence, acting as his publicist and manager, and doing her best to protect him from his addiction. The film does a decent job of rounding out her character; she isn't a perfect saint - nagging, indulging in emotional fits, and approaching art from an intellectual standpoint, rather than seeing it as expression. But still, she is the true champion of the story.

The film reaches its crescendo at the height of Pollock's career. He has become rich and famous; he and Lee share a long gaze at a gallery show during which he is signing autographs. In hindsight, I think perhaps director Ed Harris intended for the gaze to indicate that he recognizes he wouldn't be where he was without Lee, but that he doesn't love her? Well, to me, his expression was too blank to communicate anything meaningful, and her little smile was like, "We're gonna be OK."

But then in the next scene - five years later we're told by a caption - Pollock is overweight and drunken and calling his wife unbelievably crude names. He has this new girlfriend, and the movie quickly descends to the closing scene, in which the car crashes into the bushes and the two girls' screams are silenced. The end.

Yeah, NOT redemptive. I guess if I'd known Pollock's story better, I would have been more prepared for this soul-squelching ending, but good grief! I sat there with my jaw on the floor for about 10 minutes. In some closing text, we find out that Lee, also an artist, goes on to live a long life managing Pollock's estate, and she even produces some of her best work in his studio. Couldn't we have at least seen her in the studio, looking tired but at peace, painting something lovely?

Aside from that, the film was very slow moving, and there were all these annoying scenes where the suspense was high and you were expecting something dramatic to happen, but then ... nothing. E.g., Pollock walks from the house to the studio in the snow; he pulls up his collar; he tosses his cigarette; all is quiet; he slowly opens the door ... What will he find? Will his work have been vandalized? Stolen?? What is behind that door???

Just his studio, exactly as he left it.

What was the point of that?!

I felt like Pollock was trying to be an epic study of a tragic hero, in the spirit of A Beautiful Mind, but it lacked the scope, the timing, and the redemption. In the end, I just found myself saying, "What a loser." Here was a talented guy with a supportive wife, and he just ended up a cheating drunk who crashed his car into a tree. I would not spend your time watching this movie.

THE UGLY: Uglydolls

Apparently these are very cool and hipster-worthy? I saw them all over Park Ave. CDs the other night, and I don't get it. Ugly stuffed animals for adults? Does it give you street cred to have one on your sofa? Who owns these things?

CONFESSION

Hello blog world. I feel like talking about some personal things, which is pretty risky, as a person really has no idea who is reading these electronic musings. Close friends, family, acquaintances, enemies, strangers, past employers, current employers, ex-boyfriends ... who knows? I generally assume that when I see "0 comments," no one has read what I wrote, which is likely untrue. So I am just throwing these iDeas out into the universe, having no clue the responses I'll generate - the scorn, the comfort, the disgust, the relief. Today I re-read an old post I wrote long ago, and someone who identified him/herself as merely "passer-by" commented, basically saying that he/she never wanted to read my blog again, as I seemed like a very bitter person. So at the danger of prompting disdain such as this, here I go again with some fresh mind-mush.

It was recently brought to my attention, lovingly and gently, that I had become obsessed with buying a house, and that this obsession was damaging my marriage.

I don't take criticism very well. My first instinct is to fiercely defend myself and justify my behavior. But my friend who was sharing this observation with me was being very sincere and even crying, which indicated how hard this was for her to say and how much she cared about me and wanted to see me thrive spiritually and emotionally. So while I was feeling resistant inside, outwardly, I just kind of sank really low in the sofa and got really quiet.

She then prayed for me, and I couldn't help it - I started crying. Praying is such a vulnerable thing, and if you don't do it with others very often, and then you do it sometime and it's personal, you will probably cry. That's at least what I think.

While I initially deny fault when a criticism is delivered, I will usually go off and think about it and try to decide if the criticism is warranted and if I should change. In this case, it was clear that my friend was right. Buying a house had become the central and pretty much sole goal of my life that dominated all my thoughts and conversations. It was my top priority - higher than caring for my husband, than understanding and validating his differing thoughts on the issue, even than spending time with him recreationally. All I wanted to do together was get our finances figured out and go see properties. In the process, we were experiencing a lot of conflict, which I was even blaming on him and his lack of initiative/enthusiasm for house shopping.

When I confessed these things to him, he was very gracious and even pointed out the good things we had accomplished in our house-hunting process. The thing he wanted to know was, why? Why had this become such a consuming obsession in my life?

Good question. I had to really think about my answer. An obvious response is that I'm a broken, sinful human being, so sometimes I will do bad, hurtful things. Really, I have a genuinely positive desire for a home - a safe, personalized place where we can entertain, provide lodging, deepen roots, get pets, play in the backyard, etc. But somehow this good desire got warped and took precedence over other, more important things. It somehow grew this crazy monster head that was eating at my joy. I would not rest until we had bought a house!

Why did it happen? Maybe the Enemy saw a good thing and figured out how to make it destructive. He "found a foothold," to use Christian terms. And beyond that, finding a house gave me purpose and direction in life, during a time when I was feeling purposeless and directionless in the other major areas of my life - career, church, friendship, faith.

So now I've backed off the house hunt. I made a rule for myself that I could only look at listings online while I'm at home with my husband. This may seem silly, but the times I'm most vulnerable are when I'm feeling lonely and bored. When I'm at home enjoying my husband's company, I don't generally feel this way. So in the bored and lonely and aimless times, I need to fill up my mind with something else - writing (hey - like now!), contacting friends, taking care of neglected responsibilities, talking to God.

So far this experiment has been difficult, and my desire for a house hasn't disappeared. I do feel more in control now though, and Philip and I have been happier this last week or so. And while having to admit sin is extremely uncomfortable and even painful, it's a helpful reminder of how in need of God and his grace I am. And also in need of good friends who will deliver hard but essential news.