THOUGHTS

I've been reading some of my friends' blogs today, and I just love their honesty. They just write from their hearts; they don't try to sound all smart and writer-ish, and in the realness, they're brilliant. Often I wish I could just write without worrying about sounding literary and insightful. Ugh. So with that in mind, this is just going to be a simple, what's-on-my-mind post.

1. Lots of people have quit Relevant lately. This makes me feel both triumphant and sad. Carolyn/Won and Jeff/Elizabeth are moving back to their home states and will be close to their families. This makes me feel jealous.

2. I have no writing or editing assignments right now. I'm trying to get work, but it doesn't seem to get me anywhere, so I get discouraged and don't try very hard, which means I get even less work than I might have if I just tried harder...

3. Amy/David are still up in North Carolina on vacation and will be gone all month. It can't be much of a vacation since they're grieving, but I'm sure they're still thankful to see family and friends and enjoy the mountains. Amy called me today stressed because of all the dealings that must be handled with her dad's business. I miss her.

4. Today is my best friend Sarah's birthday and wedding anniversary. It makes me so sad that we are not in each other's day-to-day lives and that I can't be there to celebrate with her. Philip and I were talking last night about how it's easier to stay connected with people who are physically close to you. There are so many wonderful friends in my life who I've grown apart from just because of physical distance. Being everyday friends with Sarah is what I miss the most.

5. I've been brainstorming about writing a book, but I keep putting off making the outline and really getting started. I'm afraid of starting it and then hating every word and feeling like a failure.

6. I want to visit a writers' group that meets here in Orlando once a month. This month's meeting is this Thursday. There are all kinds of good reasons for doing this - accountability, feedback on my work, new friends that are outside my normal circles... But of course, I feel shy and intimidated and reluctant to go.

7. I'm anxious for Philip and I to finish setting up our home. Priority numero uno is getting a dining room table so we can invite people over without giving them TV trays to eat at. My feelings about this have changed, though, since Amy's dad passed away. It doesn't seem as important, and I feel bad for how much I've allowed our unpacked apartment to bother me.

8. I miss autumn.

9. I have such a wonderful husband. I don't say this to discourage anyone who isn't married; I say it to let everyone know that they don't have to settle - that marrying someone who is serving and affirming and hard working and devoted and kind and intelligent and caring and funny and passionate IS possible. Thank you, Philip, for being more than a dream come true.