She was 11 when I left Rockford to begin my freshman year at Eastern in Charleston, IL, which meant that I was away during the time that she transitioned from child to teenager. And now, as she transitions again from teenager into adult, I am missing it again, living in Florida.
Despite not being in her day-to-day life, despite having lived in a different city than her for the past seven years as she has been forming who she is - her character, her beliefs, her interests, her tastes and preferences, her style, her humor, etc. - we still have a special relationship. We always feel comfortable around each other when we're together. We always laugh. We always have our parents and our history and our childhood memories in common.
Beyond that - genetics, it seems, has given us certain characteristics that align unconsciously, across the miles. For example, when I was in college, Sarah and my parents came to visit me in Charleston. Sarah showed up wearing the exact same outfit that I was wearing that day - black shirt with a screen print of the Golden Gate Bridge on it, dark jeans, black belt, black shoes. I didn't even know she owned an outfit like that. Our sense of style (then, at least) just automatically mirrored one another's.
Traditionally, I've found it easier to relate to my other sister Alyssa, who is only two years younger than me, because we grew up together - played on the same volleyball team, sang in the same choirs, participated in the same youth group, and so on. But in our genetic makeups, Sarah and I are more alike. We both tend to be more like my mom - more pragmatic than sentimental (though we do hang on to some important tangible reminders of memories) and more into popular style and fashion (Alyssa is very easy to buy clothes for - she'll happily wear anything you give her and tends to default to looking like a hippie - while Sarah and I are much more particular about what we put on our bodies). Sarah and I tend to gravitate toward the same style of music; we both value a stable sense of community (while the community of Alyssa the Bohemian changes every three to four months). So in these similarities we share, especially now that Sarah is no longer a child, we can relate in new ways that are just as connective as the shared past that Alyssa and I have in common.
But all three of us share commonalities, too. We all are artists instead of scientists (Alyssa and Sarah are more about the performing arts, while I hide behind a pen, but we love all artistic expression). We all have similar personalities - fairly shy and quiet (although Alyssa has been forced to come out of her shell quite a bit in her theater community); dry, sarcastic sense of humor; more comfortable in small groups than in large parties; emotional; insecure; continually self-evaluating; academically successful but not obsessed with grades.
Of course, we all have a lot of differences, too (most notably: I grew up loving Barbies, Sarah grew up loving stuffed animals, and Alyssa grew up loving Light Brights and toy computers, of course). But aside from all the differences and similarities, I can't even express how much I love and admire my sisters. They are two of the most amazing, beautiful women I know, and I believe in them 200 percent.
I often wonder what will become of my relationships with my sisters, since most likely, we will never all three live in the same city again. Will the years of distance and missing out on the milestones - or even just the everyday little occurrences - of each other's lives compound to drive us apart, slowly but surely? Or could it be that our shared family story, mirroring personalities, and almost identical sense of humor will always hold us together in a special way that can't be broken down? Or is there just something deep and unchanging about being sisters that will keep us close no matter what our circumstances are or how our values evolve?
I don't know. I do worry about it. I do know that I will not be present as my baby sister blows out the birthday candles in front of my extended family for the last time; 18 is traditionally the last year we do the family party. I do know that I was not there when the whole family minus me went to Chicago last weekend to see Alyssa in her musical. I do know that I will not share a Thanksgiving meal with all of them this year.
But I do hope that despite all this missing out and being away, our deep-as-blood bond as sisters will not change. I do hope that with all my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment