This blog has been sorely neglected over the last few months, and a lot has happened, so I wanted to fill you in quickly on our life as of late.
The biggest news is that we bought our first house! We love, love, love our house and are very excited to be living there. The process of buying it was wrought with a lot of anxiety and conflict over values, finances, the future, lifestyle, timing, background, etc. It’s amazing how many sensitive areas this decision touched. But after about a year of me tracking listings on Realtor.com and six months of house hunting, during which we toured probably 30 properties, we bought a house that we had walked through on our very first day of house shopping.
I honestly feel like God orchestrated this whole ordeal. After falling in love with the house we eventually would buy, we decided it was too expensive, but continued to track it. No other house grabbed our attention like this one, but it was just too much money, despite the fact that the asking price kept falling. Eventually it disappeared off of MLS listings, so we had our real estate agent inquire about it. The owners were preparing to refinance, pull the cash out and look for a renter since they had to move because of a job change. We said, “Wait! Let us make an offer.” We ended up buying the house for $80,000 less than the original asking price and even $20,000 less than what the previous owners paid in 2004. Holding out proved wise, and it was worth the wait!
The other major change in my life is that I’m no longer copy editing. In May, I was hired as the associate editor of Destination Weddings & Honeymoons magazine, which has really been a dream come true. While the job has its drawbacks (like any job), I am getting to write and travel, which are two of my biggest passions.
Needless to say, adjusting to a new job and a new house at the same time has been sucking up a lot of time and energy. In addition to that, our travel schedule has recently ballooned out of control. Philip is on his way to California for his best friend Ben’s wedding, and I’ll be joining him on Friday. From there, we’re heading to Glacier National Park in Montana for some hiking, white-water rafting and scenic driving! We’re also stopping in Idaho for a couple days on this trip to visit Philip’s aunt and uncle.
Last weekend I had the pleasure of reuniting with some girlfriends from college in Bloomington, Illinois (during which I met my best friend Sarah’s new baby Logan!), and I also had some really nice family time in Rockford. In September, Philip’s headed to Tucson for work, while I’m off to Hawaii (!) for a press trip. In October, we’re going back to Detroit for our friends Mike and Jill’s wedding.
Between all that, I’d love to get our house more settled—paint some walls, get a few new pieces of furniture, decorate, etc.
After our Glacier trip, I’ll try to get pics up on Flickr. And stay tuned for housewarming party information…
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
THE GOOD: Habana Grill
If you are a central Floridian, I highly recommend this restaurant! Philip and I have been here several times, and it is top-notch - great Cuban food, authentic atmosphere, yummy sangria and mojitos, good service and even live music several nights a week! We went last night on a little date and once again, had a fabulous time. We are trying to go out to eat only 1-2 times a week, which saves money, is healthier, and makes the experience more special. It seems that when we eat out like this lately, the conversation goes places it just doesn't seem to go when we eat at home. It's positive to get out of our usual space, away from the stacks of to-dos, and focus on one another. The restaurant was pretty empty last night, which is a bummer. I don't want to see it close down! So show your support for a locally owned restaurant and head over to Habana Grill the next time you're trying to pick a restaurant.
THE BAD: Pollock (Warning - spoilers ahead)
Philip and I watched this film the other night, and while it was interesting to learn about the life of this "influential American painter and a major force in the abstract expressionist movement" (thanks, Wikipedia), I didn't enjoy this movie for several reasons. The main reason was the ending. Unbeknownst to me, Jackson Pollock, an alcoholic, died at the age of 44 in a drunk-driving car crash with his girlfriend and her friend, killing the friend also.
To understand why this ending was so extra deflating, here's a little background. The entire film chronicles Pollock's relationship with his wife, Lee Krasner, strongly highlighting the role she played in caring for him, encouraging him, building his confidence, acting as his publicist and manager, and doing her best to protect him from his addiction. The film does a decent job of rounding out her character; she isn't a perfect saint - nagging, indulging in emotional fits, and approaching art from an intellectual standpoint, rather than seeing it as expression. But still, she is the true champion of the story.
The film reaches its crescendo at the height of Pollock's career. He has become rich and famous; he and Lee share a long gaze at a gallery show during which he is signing autographs. In hindsight, I think perhaps director Ed Harris intended for the gaze to indicate that he recognizes he wouldn't be where he was without Lee, but that he doesn't love her? Well, to me, his expression was too blank to communicate anything meaningful, and her little smile was like, "We're gonna be OK."
But then in the next scene - five years later we're told by a caption - Pollock is overweight and drunken and calling his wife unbelievably crude names. He has this new girlfriend, and the movie quickly descends to the closing scene, in which the car crashes into the bushes and the two girls' screams are silenced. The end.
Yeah, NOT redemptive. I guess if I'd known Pollock's story better, I would have been more prepared for this soul-squelching ending, but good grief! I sat there with my jaw on the floor for about 10 minutes. In some closing text, we find out that Lee, also an artist, goes on to live a long life managing Pollock's estate, and she even produces some of her best work in his studio. Couldn't we have at least seen her in the studio, looking tired but at peace, painting something lovely?
Aside from that, the film was very slow moving, and there were all these annoying scenes where the suspense was high and you were expecting something dramatic to happen, but then ... nothing. E.g., Pollock walks from the house to the studio in the snow; he pulls up his collar; he tosses his cigarette; all is quiet; he slowly opens the door ... What will he find? Will his work have been vandalized? Stolen?? What is behind that door???
Just his studio, exactly as he left it.
What was the point of that?!
I felt like Pollock was trying to be an epic study of a tragic hero, in the spirit of A Beautiful Mind, but it lacked the scope, the timing, and the redemption. In the end, I just found myself saying, "What a loser." Here was a talented guy with a supportive wife, and he just ended up a cheating drunk who crashed his car into a tree. I would not spend your time watching this movie.
THE UGLY: Uglydolls
Apparently these are very cool and hipster-worthy? I saw them all over Park Ave. CDs the other night, and I don't get it. Ugly stuffed animals for adults? Does it give you street cred to have one on your sofa? Who owns these things?
If you are a central Floridian, I highly recommend this restaurant! Philip and I have been here several times, and it is top-notch - great Cuban food, authentic atmosphere, yummy sangria and mojitos, good service and even live music several nights a week! We went last night on a little date and once again, had a fabulous time. We are trying to go out to eat only 1-2 times a week, which saves money, is healthier, and makes the experience more special. It seems that when we eat out like this lately, the conversation goes places it just doesn't seem to go when we eat at home. It's positive to get out of our usual space, away from the stacks of to-dos, and focus on one another. The restaurant was pretty empty last night, which is a bummer. I don't want to see it close down! So show your support for a locally owned restaurant and head over to Habana Grill the next time you're trying to pick a restaurant.
THE BAD: Pollock (Warning - spoilers ahead)
Philip and I watched this film the other night, and while it was interesting to learn about the life of this "influential American painter and a major force in the abstract expressionist movement" (thanks, Wikipedia), I didn't enjoy this movie for several reasons. The main reason was the ending. Unbeknownst to me, Jackson Pollock, an alcoholic, died at the age of 44 in a drunk-driving car crash with his girlfriend and her friend, killing the friend also.
To understand why this ending was so extra deflating, here's a little background. The entire film chronicles Pollock's relationship with his wife, Lee Krasner, strongly highlighting the role she played in caring for him, encouraging him, building his confidence, acting as his publicist and manager, and doing her best to protect him from his addiction. The film does a decent job of rounding out her character; she isn't a perfect saint - nagging, indulging in emotional fits, and approaching art from an intellectual standpoint, rather than seeing it as expression. But still, she is the true champion of the story.
The film reaches its crescendo at the height of Pollock's career. He has become rich and famous; he and Lee share a long gaze at a gallery show during which he is signing autographs. In hindsight, I think perhaps director Ed Harris intended for the gaze to indicate that he recognizes he wouldn't be where he was without Lee, but that he doesn't love her? Well, to me, his expression was too blank to communicate anything meaningful, and her little smile was like, "We're gonna be OK."
But then in the next scene - five years later we're told by a caption - Pollock is overweight and drunken and calling his wife unbelievably crude names. He has this new girlfriend, and the movie quickly descends to the closing scene, in which the car crashes into the bushes and the two girls' screams are silenced. The end.
Yeah, NOT redemptive. I guess if I'd known Pollock's story better, I would have been more prepared for this soul-squelching ending, but good grief! I sat there with my jaw on the floor for about 10 minutes. In some closing text, we find out that Lee, also an artist, goes on to live a long life managing Pollock's estate, and she even produces some of her best work in his studio. Couldn't we have at least seen her in the studio, looking tired but at peace, painting something lovely?
Aside from that, the film was very slow moving, and there were all these annoying scenes where the suspense was high and you were expecting something dramatic to happen, but then ... nothing. E.g., Pollock walks from the house to the studio in the snow; he pulls up his collar; he tosses his cigarette; all is quiet; he slowly opens the door ... What will he find? Will his work have been vandalized? Stolen?? What is behind that door???
Just his studio, exactly as he left it.
What was the point of that?!
I felt like Pollock was trying to be an epic study of a tragic hero, in the spirit of A Beautiful Mind, but it lacked the scope, the timing, and the redemption. In the end, I just found myself saying, "What a loser." Here was a talented guy with a supportive wife, and he just ended up a cheating drunk who crashed his car into a tree. I would not spend your time watching this movie.
THE UGLY: Uglydolls
Apparently these are very cool and hipster-worthy? I saw them all over Park Ave. CDs the other night, and I don't get it. Ugly stuffed animals for adults? Does it give you street cred to have one on your sofa? Who owns these things?
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
CONFESSION
Hello blog world. I feel like talking about some personal things, which is pretty risky, as a person really has no idea who is reading these electronic musings. Close friends, family, acquaintances, enemies, strangers, past employers, current employers, ex-boyfriends ... who knows? I generally assume that when I see "0 comments," no one has read what I wrote, which is likely untrue. So I am just throwing these iDeas out into the universe, having no clue the responses I'll generate - the scorn, the comfort, the disgust, the relief. Today I re-read an old post I wrote long ago, and someone who identified him/herself as merely "passer-by" commented, basically saying that he/she never wanted to read my blog again, as I seemed like a very bitter person. So at the danger of prompting disdain such as this, here I go again with some fresh mind-mush.
It was recently brought to my attention, lovingly and gently, that I had become obsessed with buying a house, and that this obsession was damaging my marriage.
I don't take criticism very well. My first instinct is to fiercely defend myself and justify my behavior. But my friend who was sharing this observation with me was being very sincere and even crying, which indicated how hard this was for her to say and how much she cared about me and wanted to see me thrive spiritually and emotionally. So while I was feeling resistant inside, outwardly, I just kind of sank really low in the sofa and got really quiet.
She then prayed for me, and I couldn't help it - I started crying. Praying is such a vulnerable thing, and if you don't do it with others very often, and then you do it sometime and it's personal, you will probably cry. That's at least what I think.
While I initially deny fault when a criticism is delivered, I will usually go off and think about it and try to decide if the criticism is warranted and if I should change. In this case, it was clear that my friend was right. Buying a house had become the central and pretty much sole goal of my life that dominated all my thoughts and conversations. It was my top priority - higher than caring for my husband, than understanding and validating his differing thoughts on the issue, even than spending time with him recreationally. All I wanted to do together was get our finances figured out and go see properties. In the process, we were experiencing a lot of conflict, which I was even blaming on him and his lack of initiative/enthusiasm for house shopping.
When I confessed these things to him, he was very gracious and even pointed out the good things we had accomplished in our house-hunting process. The thing he wanted to know was, why? Why had this become such a consuming obsession in my life?
Good question. I had to really think about my answer. An obvious response is that I'm a broken, sinful human being, so sometimes I will do bad, hurtful things. Really, I have a genuinely positive desire for a home - a safe, personalized place where we can entertain, provide lodging, deepen roots, get pets, play in the backyard, etc. But somehow this good desire got warped and took precedence over other, more important things. It somehow grew this crazy monster head that was eating at my joy. I would not rest until we had bought a house!
Why did it happen? Maybe the Enemy saw a good thing and figured out how to make it destructive. He "found a foothold," to use Christian terms. And beyond that, finding a house gave me purpose and direction in life, during a time when I was feeling purposeless and directionless in the other major areas of my life - career, church, friendship, faith.
So now I've backed off the house hunt. I made a rule for myself that I could only look at listings online while I'm at home with my husband. This may seem silly, but the times I'm most vulnerable are when I'm feeling lonely and bored. When I'm at home enjoying my husband's company, I don't generally feel this way. So in the bored and lonely and aimless times, I need to fill up my mind with something else - writing (hey - like now!), contacting friends, taking care of neglected responsibilities, talking to God.
So far this experiment has been difficult, and my desire for a house hasn't disappeared. I do feel more in control now though, and Philip and I have been happier this last week or so. And while having to admit sin is extremely uncomfortable and even painful, it's a helpful reminder of how in need of God and his grace I am. And also in need of good friends who will deliver hard but essential news.
It was recently brought to my attention, lovingly and gently, that I had become obsessed with buying a house, and that this obsession was damaging my marriage.
I don't take criticism very well. My first instinct is to fiercely defend myself and justify my behavior. But my friend who was sharing this observation with me was being very sincere and even crying, which indicated how hard this was for her to say and how much she cared about me and wanted to see me thrive spiritually and emotionally. So while I was feeling resistant inside, outwardly, I just kind of sank really low in the sofa and got really quiet.
She then prayed for me, and I couldn't help it - I started crying. Praying is such a vulnerable thing, and if you don't do it with others very often, and then you do it sometime and it's personal, you will probably cry. That's at least what I think.
While I initially deny fault when a criticism is delivered, I will usually go off and think about it and try to decide if the criticism is warranted and if I should change. In this case, it was clear that my friend was right. Buying a house had become the central and pretty much sole goal of my life that dominated all my thoughts and conversations. It was my top priority - higher than caring for my husband, than understanding and validating his differing thoughts on the issue, even than spending time with him recreationally. All I wanted to do together was get our finances figured out and go see properties. In the process, we were experiencing a lot of conflict, which I was even blaming on him and his lack of initiative/enthusiasm for house shopping.
When I confessed these things to him, he was very gracious and even pointed out the good things we had accomplished in our house-hunting process. The thing he wanted to know was, why? Why had this become such a consuming obsession in my life?
Good question. I had to really think about my answer. An obvious response is that I'm a broken, sinful human being, so sometimes I will do bad, hurtful things. Really, I have a genuinely positive desire for a home - a safe, personalized place where we can entertain, provide lodging, deepen roots, get pets, play in the backyard, etc. But somehow this good desire got warped and took precedence over other, more important things. It somehow grew this crazy monster head that was eating at my joy. I would not rest until we had bought a house!
Why did it happen? Maybe the Enemy saw a good thing and figured out how to make it destructive. He "found a foothold," to use Christian terms. And beyond that, finding a house gave me purpose and direction in life, during a time when I was feeling purposeless and directionless in the other major areas of my life - career, church, friendship, faith.
So now I've backed off the house hunt. I made a rule for myself that I could only look at listings online while I'm at home with my husband. This may seem silly, but the times I'm most vulnerable are when I'm feeling lonely and bored. When I'm at home enjoying my husband's company, I don't generally feel this way. So in the bored and lonely and aimless times, I need to fill up my mind with something else - writing (hey - like now!), contacting friends, taking care of neglected responsibilities, talking to God.
So far this experiment has been difficult, and my desire for a house hasn't disappeared. I do feel more in control now though, and Philip and I have been happier this last week or so. And while having to admit sin is extremely uncomfortable and even painful, it's a helpful reminder of how in need of God and his grace I am. And also in need of good friends who will deliver hard but essential news.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
ON MY MIND
Things have been really slow at work lately, so it’s given me a lot of time to think. Here are some things on my mind …
1. House
We are actively looking for a house to buy, and it comes as no surprise to me that it’s taking a while. It took us months to choose a dining room table and a TV, and this purchase is considerably larger. I’m very anxious to find “The One,” to make it our own, paint the walls, start replacing our hand-me-down furniture. I want to entertain and also enjoy our space when we’re sitting quietly at home together in the evening. It’s surprising to me how strong this desire is. I have to watch what I say because I overwhelm my husband, who just wants to make me happy.
2. Job
Philip and I agreed the other night that neither of us is crazy about our job. We both have decent-paying jobs that we like well enough, but we certainly don’t feel that we’re living out our life’s dream. It makes me wonder what my dream job actually is. I thought my dream would be to write full-time from home, but I tried that for a year and a half, and I struggled with the solitude and self-discipline. I’d love to be paid to write for a company. However, magazine publishing is fairly cut-throat, and I don’t really want to deal with that. Copy editing is kind of removed from the drama. That’s something I appreciate about it.
3. Vacation
We are planning to travel to Glacier National Park for our vacation this year. We intend to hike and white-water raft, and my body is not at this time conditioned to withstand these activities. We started exercising to prepare for the trip, but I overdid it and ended up with a ruptured tendon. It put an end to our three-week jogging stint and seriously discouraged me. I can’t even tell you how weak and lame I felt. I’m still kind of scared to try again, more for the fear of another failure than going through the pain again. But I’m very excited for this time in Montana — the beauty and vastness we’re going to experience. It will be very different from the beach vacations to which I’m accustomed. So I’m motivated to take two on the exercise front.
4. Best friends
My friend Sarah just gave birth to her first child, a son, at 12:05 a.m. today. My friend Amy has an almost three-year-old daughter, and I can’t imagine that number two is that far off. These women are the ones with whom I share my heart and most personal thoughts, and they are mothers. Being a mother myself is something that seems pretty distant, though I don’t want to lose touch with my mommy friends and fall too far behind in the child department. It’s not keeping up with the Joneses, but rather, being able to relate and share some of life’s most important experiences together. I’m so happy for my mommy girlfriends and thankful that they keep me around even though I don’t have any kids yet. I am just soaking up everything they unintentionally teach me about parenthood.
5. Church
Philip and I are moving toward a time of uninvolvement in our church for the summer. I can’t tell you what a relief this is. Since we’ve gotten married, we’ve never stepped back to examine where God would have us serve together. I have personally felt fairly disengaged from/frustrated with the machine that is the young-adult group we’ve been leading, and am just yearning to deepen individual friendships without the burden of keeping the machine functioning. This summer will be a breath of fresh air for me as we’ll be free from all the to-dos and can talk and pray about what’s next. I’m not sure Philip feels the same way I do …
6. Family
My parents are coming to Orlando soon for a vacation with my aunt and uncle and their kids. I can’t wait to see them. As I’ve gotten older, I feel that I can understand them so much better — they are people and peers and intimate friends. We can discuss decisions and insecurities and everyday life in a way that we never could when I was still an idiot teenager. My sister Alyssa is also headed to Florida for the months of June and July — she got an apprenticeship at a theater in Daytona! I’m so proud of her, and excited that I’ll get to see her shows and spend her birthday with her for the first time in years. My other sister Sarah just got her braces removed — another harsh reminder of her rapidly disappearing adolescence. While I enjoy our adult relationship, I still want to hold on to the little innocent girl who I used to hold on my hip. Is that OK, Sarah? You look beautiful with your braces off!
7. Marriage
While we wrestle with plans for and decisions about the future, I am completely content in my marriage to Philip Hueneke. He’s away on business right now, which always helps me appreciate more having him around to hang out with in the evenings — make dinner, chat about the day, laugh at the nightly news. He is my best friend in the entire world, who challenges and encourages and inspires me. When everything seems up in the air, Philip is the rock on which I stand. He is such an amazing gift.
8. God
I’m not feeling too close to him lately, which is really bad timing, since I desperately need his help with these major decisions we’re facing. I sometimes wonder if he has backed off intentionally, so that I’ll have to grow up and use the wisdom he’s given me to make smart choices. I’m not much of an initiator and I rely on others a lot, and I know God wants me to use the confidence he can give me to step out. But I’m also not pursuing him like I should; I can’t remember the last time I slipped away with my Bible and a journal to have a minute alone with him. In my heart of hearts, I know he’s always with me and has my back. Faith is a strange thing.
1. House
We are actively looking for a house to buy, and it comes as no surprise to me that it’s taking a while. It took us months to choose a dining room table and a TV, and this purchase is considerably larger. I’m very anxious to find “The One,” to make it our own, paint the walls, start replacing our hand-me-down furniture. I want to entertain and also enjoy our space when we’re sitting quietly at home together in the evening. It’s surprising to me how strong this desire is. I have to watch what I say because I overwhelm my husband, who just wants to make me happy.
2. Job
Philip and I agreed the other night that neither of us is crazy about our job. We both have decent-paying jobs that we like well enough, but we certainly don’t feel that we’re living out our life’s dream. It makes me wonder what my dream job actually is. I thought my dream would be to write full-time from home, but I tried that for a year and a half, and I struggled with the solitude and self-discipline. I’d love to be paid to write for a company. However, magazine publishing is fairly cut-throat, and I don’t really want to deal with that. Copy editing is kind of removed from the drama. That’s something I appreciate about it.
3. Vacation
We are planning to travel to Glacier National Park for our vacation this year. We intend to hike and white-water raft, and my body is not at this time conditioned to withstand these activities. We started exercising to prepare for the trip, but I overdid it and ended up with a ruptured tendon. It put an end to our three-week jogging stint and seriously discouraged me. I can’t even tell you how weak and lame I felt. I’m still kind of scared to try again, more for the fear of another failure than going through the pain again. But I’m very excited for this time in Montana — the beauty and vastness we’re going to experience. It will be very different from the beach vacations to which I’m accustomed. So I’m motivated to take two on the exercise front.
4. Best friends
My friend Sarah just gave birth to her first child, a son, at 12:05 a.m. today. My friend Amy has an almost three-year-old daughter, and I can’t imagine that number two is that far off. These women are the ones with whom I share my heart and most personal thoughts, and they are mothers. Being a mother myself is something that seems pretty distant, though I don’t want to lose touch with my mommy friends and fall too far behind in the child department. It’s not keeping up with the Joneses, but rather, being able to relate and share some of life’s most important experiences together. I’m so happy for my mommy girlfriends and thankful that they keep me around even though I don’t have any kids yet. I am just soaking up everything they unintentionally teach me about parenthood.
5. Church
Philip and I are moving toward a time of uninvolvement in our church for the summer. I can’t tell you what a relief this is. Since we’ve gotten married, we’ve never stepped back to examine where God would have us serve together. I have personally felt fairly disengaged from/frustrated with the machine that is the young-adult group we’ve been leading, and am just yearning to deepen individual friendships without the burden of keeping the machine functioning. This summer will be a breath of fresh air for me as we’ll be free from all the to-dos and can talk and pray about what’s next. I’m not sure Philip feels the same way I do …
6. Family
My parents are coming to Orlando soon for a vacation with my aunt and uncle and their kids. I can’t wait to see them. As I’ve gotten older, I feel that I can understand them so much better — they are people and peers and intimate friends. We can discuss decisions and insecurities and everyday life in a way that we never could when I was still an idiot teenager. My sister Alyssa is also headed to Florida for the months of June and July — she got an apprenticeship at a theater in Daytona! I’m so proud of her, and excited that I’ll get to see her shows and spend her birthday with her for the first time in years. My other sister Sarah just got her braces removed — another harsh reminder of her rapidly disappearing adolescence. While I enjoy our adult relationship, I still want to hold on to the little innocent girl who I used to hold on my hip. Is that OK, Sarah? You look beautiful with your braces off!
7. Marriage
While we wrestle with plans for and decisions about the future, I am completely content in my marriage to Philip Hueneke. He’s away on business right now, which always helps me appreciate more having him around to hang out with in the evenings — make dinner, chat about the day, laugh at the nightly news. He is my best friend in the entire world, who challenges and encourages and inspires me. When everything seems up in the air, Philip is the rock on which I stand. He is such an amazing gift.
8. God
I’m not feeling too close to him lately, which is really bad timing, since I desperately need his help with these major decisions we’re facing. I sometimes wonder if he has backed off intentionally, so that I’ll have to grow up and use the wisdom he’s given me to make smart choices. I’m not much of an initiator and I rely on others a lot, and I know God wants me to use the confidence he can give me to step out. But I’m also not pursuing him like I should; I can’t remember the last time I slipped away with my Bible and a journal to have a minute alone with him. In my heart of hearts, I know he’s always with me and has my back. Faith is a strange thing.
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