after all the whining i did in the last post, it's really pretty embarassing to admit how much connection i've experienced over the last few days.
thursday - girls bible study. this is an endeavor i started in order to get to know the girls in my college/career group at church. since i came in as philip's girlfriend, i figured that's how i was known. i was like an extension of him, and whenever i was with any of the girls (who were his friends long before he and i ever met), he was there. so, i created a time when we could bond guy-free. it started out with a fair amount of momentum; we had five at our first meeting, including a very curious woman from another church, and in the meetings since, we've had two other girls join us. but attendance is random; there's just not a lot of commitment. some of this i attribute to myself - in my efforts to not add another item to the "to-do" list, i've established a casual attitude that has crossed over into even merely showing up. plus, i haven't been using any sort of book/guide, since all the guides i considered using were lame, but i do a lousy job of thinking up any sort of DIY guide, so the discussion often falls flat. and we only meet every other week, so i think people get confused about if we're even having it or not. however, despite these considerable errs on my behalf, the women themselves haven't stepped it up to do their own studying, to find out if we're meeting, or to come on a consistant basis. it's all very discouraging.
we had planned to meet this past thursday at a pair of sisters' apartment, and i just had this feeling nobody would show up. i didn't feel like preparing anything, and said so to philip. "it's just not worth it," i told him. "why not?" he asked, and i was humbled, knowing he was right - even if it was just the sisters and me, they were worth preparing for. so i prayed about what passage to use (we've been studying women of the bible), and i immediately thought of the woman who anointed Jesus' feet and decided we'd do a little lectio divina. basically, this involves reading the passage out loud twice and asking God to reveal a word from the passage to you that He would like you to meditate on for 10 minutes. Ten minutes may sound like a very long time, and it is, but it really slows you down and allows you to relax and breathe. we're so uncomfortable with silence; i think it's healthy to force ourselves to be quiet once in a while. i also picked out some praise choruses centering on Jesus' sacrifice on the cross (surprisingly, there aren't that many) and figured we'd do a time of "checking in." this involves each person telling how they are - how they really are - and while they're sharing, no one else is allowed to say anything.
i headed over to the apartment, and i was right - nobody else came. it was just the three of us. but i proceeded with my little contemplative plan. we did the lectio divina, and i wondered at maybe shortening the time to five minutes. but God said no, do the full 10, so i did. my word was "weeping." i thought of all the reasons why people weep - joy, pain, disappointment, beauty, stress - and i thought of how Jesus even wept. words came into my head - expression, release, honesty. when someone cries, their soul is coming the surface. then we "checked in." i hesitated to even do it, since we had already chit-chatted earlier about our weeks and jobs and so on, but God said do it, so we did. when each sister shared, she started to weep. common themes came out - a lack of confidence, a feeling of uncertainty about the future, being in a difficult time of waiting, hurts that are hard to forgive. i was amazed at what came out when there was a concentrated and safe time of sharing. i think we all left that night feeling much closer than we did before, and i felt like i had a better idea of where this study needed to go. God knows what He's doing.
friday - chelsea's bachelorette party. this was also something i wasn't too amped about, just because i was feeling tired and sickish and i didn't know any of the girls coming very well, except my roommates. however, the evening really ended up kicking ass. we were all given goodie bags, which contained such goodies as leis, jelly bracelets, star-shaped sunglasses, candy necklaces, a personalized decorated cup, penis straws, and other trinkets. a tip for any girl planning a bachelorette party: give your attendees goodie bags. nothing makes you feel like you're wanted there like having a bag full of presents with your name on it waiting for you. we all donned our many items and took loads of pictures. we even wore them out, which set us apart as THE bachelorette party - where the party is. we also played some typical bachelorette party games, which involved cherries and whipped creme and bananas and condoms. gotta have those. we rode in a limo to our downtown destinations. i can't tell you how many times i heard, "where's erika?" or "erika, get in this picture!" i felt included, loved, appreciated. and chelsea was practically weeping tears of joy over how appreciated and loved she felt. "i've never gotten so much attention in my life!" she exclaimed. she deserved every minute of it.
saturday - discipleship group. this is a collection of couples and individuals from our church, including one of the pastors and his wife, who get together about once a month to discuss some topic and learn from each other and our various stages in life. philip and i are the youngest couple there, which our mentors, danny and jodi, being the oldest. we discussed what it means to worship "in spirit and in truth," why we go to church, how one goes about picking a church, etc. i was pretty floored by how much interest people there had in me, what i had to say, our Something More group, where i worked... the discussion was thought provoking, and it was hugely cool to meet people from our church who don't land in the 18-34 category.
today - chelsea's wedding. i have to go get ready for it now. it's on the beach, and i borrowed a white strapless dress with giant pink hawaiian flowers on it to wear. philip's computer assignment for his grad class was due tomorrow, but the due date got extended till wednesday, so we're in great moods. this should be another beautiful day.
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