I've been putting off writing about the wedding because it's overwhelming to think about summarizing the whole amazing experience for all you nice readers who couldn't be there, but it's time to just jump in and do it. So here you have it.
They say your wedding day is the biggest day of your life, and speaking for myself, as a woman, the woman that is me, it was. I don't say this to put more pressure on any unmarried folks out there. I recognize that there is a lot of pressure on people already to make their wedding day THE MOST beautiful, wonderful, fun, incredible day they've ever experienced, and frankly, people don't need that kind of stress.
Philip and I had set out to make our wedding day beautiful, wonderful, fun, and incredible, but we strongly resisted putting pressure on ourselves to make it THE Greatest Day Of Our Entire Lives.
But let me tell you something. It really was. Hands down.
And it's not necessarily because we devoted the last eight months of our lives to planning it. It just kind of happened that way.
The first thing that made it fantastic was that when I woke up that morning, I was physically unable to do any more planning or preparing. The day was here. Even if I had wanted to squeeze in a few more wedding crafts or nail down any more details just a little more fimly, I couldn't. Too late. It's wedding time. So just the pure relief of knowing that I would be spending zero time on the computer or phone and be making zero stops at Joann Fabrics made the day great even from the first minute after waking.
The second thing that made it great was that I started it in prayer. I laid in bed for a good half hour talking to God and reading Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." I told God I was done making requests. Philip and I, and a bunch of other people we love, had spent lots of time over the last few months asking God to give us nice weather that day, and to allow everything to go smoothly, and to show up at our celebration and move in people's hearts. Now that the day was here, I told God I was done wanting things to be a specific way, and I was releasing control. I had done all I could to prepare, and now the whole deal was in His hands. I would accept the day however it rolled out. I should not be in want.
The third thing that made it wonderful was that God did answer those bygone prayers for nice weather. It was warm and sunny, with just a little bit of a breeze. Phew.
The fourth thing: I did not get a headache. I get headaches easily, and I had a number of factors working against me that day - among them: heat, direct sunlight, dehydration (I didn't visit the ladies' room for about 12 hours), and my hair being tightly sculpted with more than 100 bobbypins. But I felt physically great the whole day. Phew again.
The fifth: The building in which myself, the moms, the bridesmaids, and a number of female attendants got ready was about a five-minute walk from the garden in which the ceremony took place. The walk was paved and shielded on both sides by trees and hedges. We all made our way toward the garden at the same time, me on my dad's arm, with all my girls fluttering around me. Everyone was buzzing and beautiful. At a certain point, my dad, my personal attendant, and I had to stop and wait, since Philip was up ahead, ready to walk his mom down the aisle, and we didn't want him to see me. So there the three of us stood in the shade, talking quietly, hearts pounding, me marveling over the beauty of the day and of everyone I had seen so far. It was a Moment.
The sixth: I rounded the corner of the hedge to view the ceremony site for the first time. There everything was, just the way we had assigned everyone to set it up: all the white chairs in neat rows, filled with smiling faces; Aaron and David sweetly playing the music; the two floral arrangements standing austerely on either side of Danny and Jodie; all the attendants lined up and elegant; and my groom, looking handsome and expectant and young and mature all at the same time. I fixed my eyes on him and made my way down the aisle.
The seventh: Everyone stood for me. I knew, of course, that this would happen, but I guess I forgot. When they all stood, I began to cry. I was surprised and humbled and flushed with the intense feeling that I had incredible value. While this is something I know in my mind - that I have great value - and while my loved ones do a wonderful job of reminding me often, actually feeling it so strongly, all at once, down to my bones, down to my very core, is something so beautiful that I can't describe it.
The eighth: Somewhere between Aaron leading out the worship and Danny and Jodie beginning their message, all my butterflies vanished, and I became very relaxed and very happy. The music, the jokes, the encouraging looks of my bridesmaids behind me and my parents seated in the front row, just put me right at home.
The ninth: Taking communion with Philip. We did it privately, and we both softly prayed out loud with each other. In the faint background was David's song, and it was just a moment that we shared alone, with all those people there watching, but silent. Later we were told that unbeknownst to us, two butterflies fluttered around us while we prayed.
The tenth: The kiss. Everyone cheered. I felt embarrassed, but also pleased. My smile about broke my face as we walked down the aisle as husband and wife.
The eleventh: The receiving line. What a rush to hug so many people in a row, and to be told so many times in a row how beautiful you look, and to hear so many congratulations and see so many glowing smiles. Wow.
The twelfth: Running around downtown Rockford with my new husband taking pictures and feeling like the prettiest, most blessed girl alive.
The thirteenth: Sitting and having a glass of water at Cliffbreakers with my husband, waiting to be summoned to make our entrance into the reception. Waiting, on your wedding day, is a great pleasure. On a day that races by faster than any other day, a chance to wait for a bit slows it down, gives you a chance to catch your breath, to remind yourself what is happening.
The fourteenth: Walking into the reception on my husband's arm to see all the gorgeous decorations, to see all the tables filled with people I love, to again, see it all as we had arranged for it to be, looking even more amazing than it had in my mind's eye.
*The fifteenth: During dinner, my most favorite baby in the world, Ana Achata, sitting in a high chair at our table, reached out for me. Her father brought her over to me, and in my arms, she laid her head on my shoulder and hugged me. She wanted to stay like that for a good two or three minutes. To her, it didn't matter that I was wearing this strange poofy white dress or fancy jewelry or more makeup than usual. I was still her friend Erika, and she wanted to hug me. It was awesome.
The sixteenth: Dancing with my dad. At the end of the song, my dad said to me, "You'll never know how much I love you until you have children of your own," and his voice broke. We both cried.
The seventeenth: Mangling our wedding cake with my husband. The pink ribbons on our cake were supposed to be made of frosting, but after trying to cut through them, it became apparent that they were real. The knife pulled them down, along with the smooth edge of the cake, and we were busting up laughing at our inability to cut a cake properly. This led in nicely to me smashing the cake all over Philip's face, followed by him kissing me to spread it to my face as well.
Not the eighteenth: The Dollar Dance. Philip's line was like 10 times longer than mine. What's up with that?
The eighteenth: Watching everyone bring about Dance Party 2005. I have never SEEN such lively dancing at a wedding reception. It made me happy. Very very happy.
The nineteenth: Feeling more beautiful than I've ever felt in my life. I wasn't walking; I was floating. I danced recklessly, because it's impossible to look bad dancing in a gorgeous wedding gown. Don't tell me if this is not true.
The twentieth: The getaway. We walked out to sparklers; my aunt and uncle's convertible Beamer was decorated ridiculously; everyone was waving and cheering as we drove off into the night. It was by far the biggest rush of my life.